if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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