i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
