YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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