Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
