I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
