I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
