I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
