Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
