Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize