Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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