Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
