Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
