Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
