The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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