If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
