I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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