Just cropdusted the office
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
