Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
