he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
