He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
