my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
