How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
