i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
