Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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