Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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