I will die if light touches me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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