Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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