Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
