we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
