rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
