I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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