Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
