My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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