quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
