Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
