Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
