i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?