I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And my parents said I crawled through the house