Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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