she woke up with a sticky ear
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
