Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.