friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
