I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
