Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
