I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
