Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
