I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals