i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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