ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
