i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
