Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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