i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
