youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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