it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
a search helicopter?!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
