I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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