The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
