I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
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I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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