I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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