apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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