She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
